Hellidays - When Bad Holidays Happen To Good People

The Weiner Circle is a Chicago institution located on the west side of the street at Clark & Wrightwood. It is kind of ramshackle and aged, and appears to have been overlooked by the Food & Health inspectors. What the place lacks in cleanliness it makes up for with attitude. The women who man the grill and condiments behind the counter are typically sassy, trash-talking black sistahs who don't need any of your lip.

Particularly on the weekends, around 1:00 or 2:00 a.m., the place fills with drunken Lincoln Park frat boys who are opting for a final dose of carb 'n' cheese loading to soak up that evenings kegger or $2 Bud Lights. This is when the Weiner Circle turns into a circus of confrontation and rude behavior.

When you throw in a Halloween weekend, you complement the typical drunkenness and yelling with people in costumes. On this particular Hallow's Eve, a giant chipmunk scurries around one of the four communal picnic tables that sit outside the Weiners Circle. Sitting next to me are two teenage girls, who are apparently going as pissed-off teenage girls from the suburbs. They are dressed in jeans and t-shirts and surly expressions. They are attending a lithe, half-naked man wearing sandals, a loincloth and a thorny crown in his long scraggly hair.

The two sullen suburban handmaidens attend to Jesus' every need. They share their cheddar fries, get the Son of God some ketchup; that sort of thing. However, what Jesus really craves, in addition to the pair of nubile young bodies, is a cigarette.

"Do y'all have cigarettes?" one of the teenage girls asks us.

Nope, no smokes here.

"Hey," she announces. "Does anybody have a cigarette? For Jesus?"

The giant chipmunk shrugs his shoulders in an exaggerated, giant chipmunk fashion. To add to the absurdity of the whole experience, a guy in an Adolf Hitler mask just happens to be sitting at the other end of the picnic table.

Adolf Hitler says to Jesus: "Hey Jesus, why don't you miracle up a cigarette?"
Posted on 12/17/2009 at 11:29AM by Anonymous
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Absolutely hilarious! Great story.

Posted on 12/19/2009 at 04:18PM by Michael
I think "miracle up" my new favorite phrase!
Posted on 12/17/2009 at 05:42PM by Lyn
Hitler would have crucified jesus for show. No ovens for him. Imagine the propaganda value in that!
Posted on 02/05/2013 at 09:56PM by Jay

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