Hellidays - When Bad Holidays Happen To Good People

A women I work with was at a raucous St. Patty’s Party downtown Chicago in the late 90s. She was doing shots, and dirty dancing with this guy from Ireland, whom she ended up taking back to her place. The two of them rock & rolled all night, and the next morning, as he slept it all off, she went to the corner to get them a Starbucks and a paper.

She came back about 30 minutes later to find her front door open, the water in her bathroom running, and the guy gone from where he had slept just 30 mins earlier.

Seems the robust Irish lad had a terrible case of explosive diarrhea in her bed, shooting a trail of thick-like-a-fine-stew saffron-colored poop over her comforter and sheets, and onto the wall about four feet away...he had then, apparently tried to make a break for the bathroom because there was a butt-shaped saffron-colored smear on the foot of her bed, and Hershey’s kiss-sized dollops of it between the bed and the bathroom down the hall.

He must have had a cramp or something as he was trying to sit down because another powerful burst was leveled on the white linen and lace shower curtain, and the crevice between the tub and toilet. By that time, he was probably empty but seemed to not waste time cleaning the waste off of the apartment, or himself—save for a decorative washcloth pulled from its rack and sodden with it. There were footprints of the saffron-enscented evidence tracked back to the bedroom and onto the carpet in the livingroom, where they ended, in a streak, at the front door.

My co-worker spent the day with a massive hangover, and the reminder of this evening of passion gone wrong as she attempted to scrub that man right off of her carpet. She moved two months later and never saw the guy again, him having probably fled the country after powerwashing himself at a local carwash.


Posted on 03/11/2010 at 02:57PM by Anonymous
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Comments

Corned beef and cabbage as an aphrodisiac????
Posted on 03/11/2010 at 03:08PM by Lyn

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